Loved And Lost
by inufairiegirl
Summary: They say it is better to have loved and lost, but what do they say about loving and losing what you never had. I know what I say, it will kill you were you stand and leave you in ash. SeshxKag
1. Memories

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or plots within this story, they belong to Miss Rumiko :(**

_**Ok guys, here it is, my next story. I've had this idea for a while now but everytime i have sat down to write it I've either gotten into it bt then had to stop for exams etc, or just not been able to get my head into the right place and so only mamanged a paragraph or two. This first chapter is rather long and I'm afriad that if you want the next ones any time soon they will be shorter but this is just setting the scene a bit so...enjoy and please review after to let me know what you think :D**_

_**Love as always...**_

_**Inufairiegirl**_

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

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_**They say it is better to have loved and lost, but what do they say about loving and losing what you never had. I know what I say, it will kill you were you stand and leave you in ash.**_

He stumbled as he ran, trees whipping past him. Tears that had never before fallen made tracks down his cheeks as another wave of pain ripped through his chest. He fell into the dirt, crawling to sit with his back against a nearby tree as his heart broke just a little more. The shattered shards swept through his blood stream, burning through his muscles as a poison overtook his body. The great taiyoukai, Sesshomaru, had fallen.

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Sunlight crept its long fingers across the frozen ground, forcing itself through the canopy of trees overhead to form golden shafts of light around the sleeping forms that lay on the forest floor. Like a call from heaven one such beam lit up the ebony haired angel's face as she lay slumbering, slinking in between her dark lashes to pester at her dreams.

Chocloate eyes snapped open, focusing on the leaves above as they danced in the wind. Winter was on its way, its cool crisp scent surrounding her as the wind lifted soft locks of her hair. She shifted slightly to move off a rock that her sleeping bag had been laid out on the night before, the movement stirring the male next to her as a strong arm pulled her closer.

Kagome smiled lightly as she wriggled closer to the warm being behind her, admiring her good luck and the grace of the gods for once. She wouldn't have him if it weren't for the death of the filthy hanyou Naraku, her duty to complete the shard putting the rest of her life on hold. The Kamis had never been kind to her before, but when they really needed help they had heard her call and sent Sesshomaru to their small rag-tail group just in time for the final battle. There had been loses, loses that had torn holes in her heart and scars on her soul, but she had healed, slowly but surely. And then he had come for her. That had been a year ago now. Images flashed behind her lids as she attempted to bury her face under her pillow and catch just another couple of hours of sleep.

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_**1 Year Earlier**_

They had been travelling towards the northern mountains for weeks, following a lead from a conversation Miroku had overheard in a small village of a dark aura. As they climbed higher the air had become thinner and colder. Sango had inched over to walk next to the violet eyed monk, smiling secretly when he caught her shivers and threw his arm around her, shielding her small body from the worst of the cutting winds. Shippo and Kilala were unaffected by the chill breeze, their demon blood keeping their bodies running at a comfortable forty degrees and Kagome was sure that even if Inuyasha toes were getting frost bitten he wouldn't say a word.

The sky was darkening and the young miko pulled the thick woollen coat tighter around her, glancing at the back of her hanyou friend in front of her as the first snow flake landed on her nose. She blinked in surprise, turning her stormy blue eyes up to the matching clouds above to watch the slow shower of white descend around them.

"Inuyasha, I think it would be a good idea if we stopped for the day soon. We need to find some shelter and fire wood before this snow starts to settle and gets too thick to see through."

Inuyasha stopped, his shoulders tightening as if he was going to round on her and argue but after a second they fell again. He knew she was right, but they were so close! He could feel Naraku only a few miles ahead, but it would do none of them any good if one of the humans were to fall ill or should they wander off a cliff at this height in the oncoming snow storm.

Sniffing around he found the scent of must and a spring, following it along the cliff face for a few minutes till he found a hidden crevice behind a rocky overhanging, opening out inside into a small cave. The bubbling of water reaching his ears told him there was an underground river in the far western corner. The girls would like that; they would not need to venture outside to gather water.

Turning to watch as his odd pack filed into the space he couldn't help but think of how far they had come. He also couldn't avoid wondering how many of them would be left in a few days time. The end of days as they knew them was drawing to a close. Now that Kagome had almost half of the Shikon-no-Tama and Naraku had the rest the final battle would be fought, and Inuyasha was beginning to doubt they would all survive.

To distract himself from his dark thoughts he sprinted back out into the snow, reappearing a few minutes later with an armful of wood and kindling. He set about arranging the pieces just right, taking the lighter that Kagome handed him and holding the flame close. He had to admit, there were some things from her time that were desirable in his, ramen of course being amongst the best.

They had just eaten and Kagome and Sango were washing the bowls in the river at the rear of the cave when a low growl reverberating around the walls. Kagome searched out the source, realising it was Inuyasha. He had leapt from his seat near the fire where he had appeared to be doing some serious thinking and was now standing at the crevice entrance, eyes scanning the blizzard outside furiously.

The miko let the bowls drop from her hand, running over to her pack were her bow and arrows stood, notching one even as she ran to stand by the hanyou.

"What is it Inuyasha?"

"Naraku. It seems we won't have to go to him, he's coming here now. He's using the blizzard as a cloak, knowing that you guys won't be able to see anything through this white. The cowardly bastard! He knows he couldn't beat us all if we were fighting at our best."

Kagome hissed through her teeth, turning to tell the others that attack was imminent. Miroku instantly stood and ran to stand by the hanyou, his staff in hand and his beads slipped from around his wrist, ready to unleash the wind tunnel as soon as required. Sango dropped the dishes she had been stacking at ran to her small sac, quickly changing into her tayjia outfit and shouldering her hiraikotsu. Kilala transformed to her large form, growling as fire flared from her paws.

"Shippo we made need you. Your fox fire could help clear some of this snow if we need it. Stay with Kilala."

The small kitsune nodded and jumped aboard the fire neko's back, winding his fingers into her soft long fur.

Inuyasha was still turned out to the snow, his voice muffled as he spoke.

"We should move outside, keep our backs to the mountain. That way we won't get trapped in here."

The group silently moved outside, eyes casting around for any sign of Naraku, all able to feel his aura closing in on them now.

Miroku was the first of the group to spot anything, a figure emerging from the snow that fell around them, barely visible.

The white of his outfit and his hair of moonlight blended in with his background completely, the only part to be seen was the red pattern of his hoari and the purple and yellow obi that held his weapons at his hip. And his eyes.

Kagome gasped as those autumn eyes stared at her, never leaving her face. It had been a while since they had last run into the taiyoukai but something was different. He had never taken a second look at the young miko within the groups mist since he had tried to melt her with his poison in his father's tomb.

Now he seemed unable to take his eyes off her, a slightly pained expression gracing his normally emotionless face.

"Sesshomaru, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Inuyasha growled low in his teeth as he took a threatening step forward.

The taiyoukai's eyes never left Kagome as he answered his half-brother.

"Naraku approaches Inuyasha. Even your inferior senses should be able to tell that. I am here to destroy him. If you choose to assist me I shall not stop you, but do not get in my way."

The hanyou scoffed.

"Help you? You're the one who came here to us, therefore it's YOU that would be helping ME!"

Sesshomaru didn't answer. He was still staring at Kagome, and the miko felt as if he was trying to tell her something. She tried to discretely study the god in front of her.

He was gorgeous, tall and strong, so strong. His chest was broad and she was sure that if she was ever to get the chance to touch him the muscles under his kimono would be defined and solid as stone. She yearned for him, wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her as she slept and know that he would be there, just for her. She knew it wasn't the taiyoukai himself that she found herself wanting so badly. It was the feeling of safety and security that he would bring, the knowledge that she was loved and taken care of. Sesshomaru just seemed to be the epitome of all those things rolled into one, untouchable, unreachable godlike creature.

Kagome cleared her throat gently, trying to get her voice to work again under his intense gaze.

"Sesshomaru, you are more than welcome to join us in this battle. We will need all the help we can find."

"Hn, make no mistake miko, I am not here to _help_ you. This Sesshomaru has sworn to rid the earth of the filthy hanyou, and I am here to fulfil that oath. "

Kagome felt irritation slowly replace the awe that currently filled her.

"Well whatever you are here for your strength will come in useful."

With that she turned and looked once more out into the pure white snow, avoiding the eyes of the Taiyoukai making it very clear that she was done talking to him.

The taiyoukai raised an eyebrow at her behaviour, any other would have lost their head for dismissing him like such, but she was special, she was different. She was made for him like no other was.

They didn't have to wait in the uncomfortable silence for long. The quite buzzing of insects and small disturbances in the falling snowflakes around them alerted them to the presence of Saimyosho, the dark chuckle that followed warning of Naraku.

"Kukuku, such a pity that so many of your group are unable to see in this blizzard Inuyasha. It will take half of the fun out of this fight."

"Naraku you coward. You know you could never defeat us in the open so you want to try now? It doesn't matter. We can destroy you whenever and wherever so come out and fight like the man you could never be."

From the far side of the path a cloaked figure dropped to the ground. When it stood the group found themselves facing a white baboon, which was thrown off to reveal Naraku, in the flesh, standing before them.

"Kagome, is it really him? Or just another of his puppets."

Kagome focused on the abomination in front of her.

"Whatever it is, it has the jewel shard with it. It must be him."

Inuyasha smirked, crouching low as he drew his Tetsusaiga.

"That's all I needed to know. Naraku, it's the end of the line for you."

With that he leapt forward, his blade high over his head to bring down on Naraku, but when he striked he found the blade blocked by Naraku's bone armour.

"Did you really think I would come alone Inuyasha. Really, you are more incompetent than I believed possible."

With that more figures began to emerge out of the white, flickering in and out of the humans view as they skittered quickly through the snow. Kagome just managed to catch glimpses of Kagura, Hakudoshi and another woman, a new incarnation as they flew past her, taunting them, sometimes so close that the wind stirred only millimetres from the groups' necks.

The group span around, searching for the figures in the blanket of white that surrounded them. The first blood was drawn from little Shippo, a blade of Kagura's catching his cheek in an obvious taunt.

As the small red droplet hit the layer of snow at their feet time seemed to slow. All of the Inu-tachi leapt into action. Sango was light on her feet, gracefully spinning as her hand came up to grasp her hiraikotsu, the bone weapon cleaving a path through the falling snow as it headed towards a shadow behind the veil that was Kagura.

Miroku's cursed hand flew free of its beaded restraint and swept across the opening, clearing a path in the snow for just a second before a chuckle could be heard, only to be drowned out by the buzz of the Saimyosho that surrounded Naraku. Wrapping his hand back in its protective string he gripped his staff tightly and swung towards the small white figure of Kanna that had appeared in the gap in the snow before him before her mirror could take his soul. The wood struck the frame and threw it away from the young girl whose eyes widened in shock as she lost her only weapon.

Inuyasha was still before Naraku and so once more raised his Tetsusaiga to strike at the evil hanyou while Sesshomaru leapt towards Hakudoshi, his claws glowing green as he swung for the child's neck only to grip air as the young demon disappeared, only to reappear behind him and laugh. Sesshomaru's poison claws where instantly around Bakusaiga's hilt as he spun on the toes of one foot, he drew the deadly weapon and sliced through the air, his hair fanning around him as he turned before falling back into place at the same time as Hakudoshi's still grinning face fell to the floor. Before the incarnation had time to regenerate the power of Bakusaiga ate away at his flesh until there was nothing left but a melted patch in the snow where he had lain.

Kagome on the other hand had just caught a glimpse of the woman in front of her. It seemed that Naraku's new companion was not actually another incarnation, but a mythological being from her history books.

The woman before her was beautiful, a classic jaw and wide, dark eyes that were lined in deep blue. But what gave away her identity was her hair...long blue black tresses that reached the back of her knees and were tipped with sharp points while even more was piled into a bun at the back of her head. Harionago. She was a woman of Japanese legend, she would wander the roads of Japan and if any man dared to laugh at her, her barbed tipped hair would spear him through, killing him almost instantly. By the black tinted shard that glistened in her forehead it appeared that Naraku had lured her over to his side with the promise of power. She laughed at the image of the young miko standing before her, an arrow drawn back in her arrow ready to fire.

"I believe you have met my sister...Yura? I also understand that you and your hanyou friend were the ones to kill her. I will have my revenge."

With that her dark hair rose around her, the bun that was pinned at the back unwinding to show impossible lengths of the sharp tipped hair. Laughing she threw her hand out towards Kagome, the hair surrounding her following, its silver tips racing towards Kagome's chest. A burst of pink miko energy stopped them in their tracks, dissolving them where it hit them, but more came. Just as they were to hit her a flash of silver severed them from their source, Bakusaiga glinted as it was brought around in arch to once more hover in a defensive position in front of Sesshomaru. His eyes swept over the new enemy, searching for a weakness or weapon. Seeing no evident harmful things other than her hair he smirked. The snowstorm was lifting and Kagome could once again see around her.

She saw his upturned mouth and tried to warn him.

"Sesshomaru, whatever you do, don't laugh at her. She will attack!"

But it was too late, as she spoke the taiyoukai let out a superior, oh-so-arrogant low chuckle that had an instantaneous effect. Harionago's face contorted in rage, her eyes narrowing to mere slits as the mass of hair that surrounded her seemed to grow, winding itself around her and twitching and swishing like an angry cat's tail.

"You dare to laugh at me, dog? You dare to smirk at my power? I will show you your mistake and throw you to your grave!"

The midnight black hair flashed forward at an impossible speed, to quick even for the taiyoukai, slashing at his face and when it drew back to Harionago Kagome could see the tips were now stained red. Glancing back to Sesshomaru she saw him raise his hands to his face and press his long fingers the five deep cuts that now marred his ivory face. Drawing away his hands he stared in bewilderment at the blood that ran down his fingers. How had this woman drawn blood so quickly, and without him even having a chance to retaliate? He hadn't been ready. He was always ready, since he was a pup. No-one got the better of him; no-one but his bastard brother had drawn his blood in so long.

Looking up he saw the damned woman laughing, the tips of her hair rising up for her to lick them clean and taste his blood.

"I see, a taiyoukai are you? No matter what you are, there is no way I can be defeated by a dog."

She once more attacked, seeming to tease Sesshomaru, swiping at him from left and right leaving hundreds of small shallow cuts that seemed to heal almost instantly only to be replaced by more. He tried to combat them, to slash at the hair with his claws but for every strand that was cut more appeared.

Kagome stood by the sidelines, staring at the taiyoukai that had been reduced to swatting at the air as if he was after flies. Glancing back she saw Inuyasha still battling Naraku and Miroku and Sango now attacking Kagura together, Sango's katana stained with blood where it was lying next to the small body of Kana. Shippo darted between the two humans, his fox fire raging into the air to clear the snow that drifted around them to try and give the warriors better visibility.

Her fingers found the tip of an arrow and ran across its sharp steel head, staring at the beautiful Harionago as she continued to taunt Sesshomaru. She noticed that on the few occasions Sesshomaru attempted to send an attack her way with Bakusaiga she protected herself with the hair, more spurring from somewhere behind her to replace that which was destroyed. Kagome had a thought. Her arrows dissolved the hair, destroyed it completely. If she could find the source of the hair, maybe she could stop it long enough for Sesshomaru to kill Harionago.

Creeping backwards she relied on Sesshomaru to keep Harionago distracted enough for to carry out her plan. Seeing the young miko sneaking away Sesshomaru doubled his efforts to attack the hair demon, hoping she would keep her attention on him long enough for whatever the miko was planning.

There it was. A small knot at the base of Harionago's neck appeared to be where the hair originated, long lengths of it winding out and curling around under the demons instruction. Trying to be silent she quickly drew an arrow and let it loose at the small raging mass of hair.

Harionago didn't know what had happened. One minute she was surrounded by her blue black hair and suddenly it was all falling away from her, pooling in a heap at the ground by her feet and she was unable to call forth more. Stretching her head around she saw the young miko she had dismissed as weak behind her, arm still drawn back from where she had released the arrow that had struck her.

"You, girl. HOW DARE YOU?"

She made to turn to strike the girl with her hand but she found herself held in place by a clawed hand that squeezed her throat as she tried to grapple away.

"You dared to laugh at this Sesshomaru. Now _you_ will pay the consequences."

The screams that were let loose from the legendary woman's mouth were so filled with terror and pain as Sesshomaru's poison slowly ate through her skin and her own blood carried it away through her body to eat her from the inside out that they were sure to haunt Kagome's dreams for weeks afterwards. Once Harionago was dead she quickly grabbed and purified the fallen jewel shard before she ran to Sesshomaru and threw her arms around him, at the same time checking him over to make sure that all the cuts had disappeared before realising what she had done.

Eyes widening in fear she quickly stepped back and bowed low, apologies falling from her lips as she waited for her fate. She didn't even know why she had done it. It just seemed...natural, right somehow. But this was Sesshomaru that she had just hugged so intimately and so she was astounded when she felt his claws pull her face up to him and he didn't look angry. Quite the opposite in fact, it almost looked like there was a slight smile on his face as he opened his lips to speak but just then there was a horrendous roar of pain from the other side of the small clearing.

Snatching her face from his grasp she span on the spot and searched for the source, knowing before her eyes found him that it was from Inuyasha. There, in the very centre of the chaos that had struck their group he stood, eyes blurring in and out of focus as he desperately searched for her. Seeing her he seemed to try to stumble towards her, his hand outstretched but he was stopped by the thick green tentacles that pierced through his stomach and chest, emerging on the other side only to wind around his legs and neck, immobilising him as he bled.

Kagome's heart stopped, her breath held as the tears fell.

"No..."

The whisper fell from her lips as she sank to her knees, there was no way, she couldn't help him this time, she couldn't get to him. Naraku was already dragging him towards him.

Kagome's eyes fell to the Tetsusaiga that lay on the floor by her best friend and first loves feet. He had dropped it in his shock and now he couldn't save himself.

Sango and Miroku stopped their battle to turn as they heard Kagome's heartfelt wail and they too froze when they saw their friend being dragged towards the evil hanyou. Kagura laughed and jumped to attack while their backs were turned but she was stopped by Miroku, his wind tunnel open and pointing straight at her as he battled to suck her in, his eyes dark and murderous. Saimyosho surrounded her and flew at the monk, being swept into his hand but he didn't care. The wind sorceress was not going to get away even if it meant his death.

Kagome just watched as Inuyasha was pulled to Naraku, the snow he passed over stained quickly by his free-falling blood. His golden eyes found hers and he tried a smile before another tentacle pierced his abdomen and his face twisted in another grimace of pain.

He knew it; this was the end for him. How stupid could he have been? All the time they had been waiting for this battle he had been worrying over which of his friends would not return with him, but he had never even considered the fact that perhaps he wouldn't. The others had held their own and it was he who had failed. He searched out Kagome's eyes and tried to tell her he was ok with it, that he would gladly die for all of them that had changed his life so much.

Kagome could hardly see through the tears but she didn't need to to know what was happening. Naraku was going to absorb Inuyasha and make him a part of his flesh, but the inu hanyou would barely be alive. In a few more seconds he would have lost too much blood and fall into unconsciousness, in a minute he would be dead.

Turning she grasped blindly at Sesshomaru's hoari.

"Save him, you're the only one that can. SAVE HIM!"

When he only looked at her, an unreadable expression in his eyes that were so similar to Inuyasha she pushed him away, charging her hands with her miko powers as they rose within her in response to her pain. She didn't seem to realise that she was yelling as with each sentence she pushed him backwards again, throwing more and more of her power into it.

"I said SAVE HIM! HE'S YOUR BROTHER! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM! DON'T JUST FUCKING STAND THERE! _GO AND HELP HIM!_"

Sesshomaru grasped her hands and pulled them apart, effectively bringing her so close to him she could feel his breath as he spoke.

"There is nothing more to do miko. None can save him. Would you have me rush blindly forward and try to? It will only result in both of us being absorbed by that filth and then he will be unstoppable. The hanyou's demise is unfortunate but this Sesshomaru will not risk the fate of all the lands just for him, half-brother or not."

With that he pushed her away and stalked towards Naraku just as Inuyasha's head dropped, his eyes open but now unseeing.

Kagome's cries hushed, silence filled the clearing which was broken by a thoaty gasp and a thud as Miroku hit the floor. Kagura had fought hard and it had taken a long time to pull her into his wind tunnel. He had absorbed too many Saimyosho, his hand was a dark purple from the poison and his breathing ragged. Sango and Shippo had turned from Inuyasha's inevitable fate and were lying across the monk, trying to rouse a response from him but to no avail.

Kagome's eyes swept the scene. They had lost. Inuyasha was dead, Miroku dying. Naraku had won. There was only her and Sesshomaru left to fight, and she couldn't anymore. She was done, she would give up. Where was the hope now? She sank to her knees in the cold snow once more and laid her head in her hands, sobbing as the tears wetted her legs. She almost didn't hear Sesshomaru as he spoke.

"Miko, are you listening?"

Sniffing she raised her head and just stared at him, she had no answer to even the simplest of questions anymore, her world was spiralling away from her.

"Kagome."

That had her listening; he had never called her name before, and never with so much emotion. She looked to him and saw that his eyes held feeling, and if she had to guess at which it was sorrow and care.

"Kagome, Inuyasha is dead, but if we are to stop Naraku then we must destroy him before he absorbs him completely. The monk will not live much longer but if we can kill Naraku then he may be saved, but this Sesshomaru cannot break through his barrier. Will you save your friend?"

Kagome fiercely wiped her eyes. He was right. They couldn't save Inuyasha now, but they could help Miroku and hundreds of others.

Grasping her bow she ran to Sesshomaru's side and nodded briefly. She almost feinted when she felt his fingers gently wrap around hers and squeeze briefly before he once more turned to Naraku and drew Bakusaiga.

"On the count of three...one."

Kagome drew an arrow and nocked it into place on her bow.

"Two."

She drew the string back taut, and tried to will her eyes to clear so that she could get a proper look at Naraku.

"Three."

Even though her vision was still blurred she let the arrow loose, hurriedly wiping her eyes in time to see the tip hit the very centre of Naraku's barrier, causing ripples to run across the surface before it shattered. At exactly the same time as it dissipated Sesshomaru drew Bakusaiga and sent a powerful rush of energy at the dark hanyou who was wide eyed and shocked, trying to absorb his half-brothers body quicker so that he had a chance to survive the oncoming attack. But he had no chance. He had been too preoccupied with finally taking his enemies flesh that he had been complacent and now it was too late. The ball of light hit Inuyasha's lifeless body square in the back, blasting straight through him and obliterating Naraku's body as he screamed. Sesshomaru was behind Kagome in a split second and pushing her forward, encouraging her to find the last large fragment of the jewel within the burning remains before he had a chance to reform. She leapt across to where Naraku had stood and immediately reached down and plucking the black tainted jewel from where his chest had been. As she moved to step away from the now crumbling flesh she spotted something and ducked back to grasp it and pull it away with her, clutching it to her chest as she once more let tears fill her eyes.

He was dead, Naraku was gone, but at what cost? Inuyasha had been lost and it was still touch and go for Miroku. He was sitting up now, his head in Sango's lap but his skin was still a pale grey and it shined with sweat. Kagome gripped the now purified Shikon-No-Tama tighter in her fist as her legs gave out on her. In her other hand she held a string of beads, Inuyasha's subjugation necklace. It had somehow, impossibly, survived Sesshomaru's attack, but it was the only trace of her best friend. He had been completely destroyed along with Naraku. There was no other hint of him at all, nothing to show that he had been there and helped them but this necklace and his friends memories.

He watched her as she wept into the snow, wishing he could comfort her. She was his after all. The Kami's had made the miko for him, as the perfect match for everything about him. Where he was cold and logical she was warm and impulsive. He had hair as light as the moon and eyes like the sun, her hair was midnight black and her eyes an earthy chocolate. She didn't know it yet but she was to be his forever, his mate.

Sesshomaru had waited so long for her, even when he had first set eyes on her he had known that until Naraku was destroyed and her duty completed he couldn't have her, soul mate or not. Now his beast cried out to him to go and claim what was rightfully theirs but he couldn't. Not now.

She was mourning, and there was nothing he could do. In another world , one where he had stepped forward earlier he would be the one to run to her and hold her as the slayer now did, but he had bided his time, and had sacrificed that right for what was proper. He bowed his head as he silently left the clearing. He would return for her in time, but for now she needed her friends and comfort. A taiyoukai telling her that the gods had made the two of them for each other would not help her already fragile mind. His brother's death had hit hard, and he could not just brush it aside. But yes, he would return for her, his one and only love, Kagome.

**Please review :) x x x **


	2. Soulmates

_She was mourning, and there was nothing he could do. In another world , one where he had stepped forward earlier he would be the one to run to her and hold her as the slayer now did, but he had bided his time, and had sacrificed that right for what was proper. He bowed his head as he silently left the clearing. He would return for her in time, but for now she needed her friends and comfort. A taiyoukai telling her that the gods had made the two of them for each other would not help her already fragile mind. His brother's death had hit hard, and he could not just brush it aside. But yes, he would return for her, his one and only love, Kagome._

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It had been just over a year. He had meant to return to her sooner but a large uprising within some of the larger villages in the West had kept him busy and unable to leave to find her. He had heard whispers of a great priestess emerging from the battle, one who was a warrior, yet kind and forgiving and he was proud. His mate had to be strong and independent if she was to survive in this world mated to a youkai Lord and Kagome definitely now filled that role.

The demons that had challenged him, gathering a rather impressive army that had taken many months and far too many of his soldiers lives to defeat was finally dead and buried. Their ideas were crushed while the tales of their deaths whispered through the lands, warning others of the fates that awaited them if they chose to rise against their Lord.

After bidding good bye to Rin and checking his person once more he took the first steps out of the Western Shiro's outermost gates to bring his mate-to-be back to their home. He knew he would have to court her, but there was no better place than his own home to do that in. If needs be he would even extend the invite to the rest of her group if she would not come alone. Even while he had been in battle he had been preparing for this, sending orders for the royal wing to be redecorated in a palette more likely to please her and for the gardens to be replanted with hundreds of Sakura trees after hearing in passing that their scent was a favourite of hers. He had up heaved his own home in an attempt to make it perfect, just for her and now the only thing that was missing was the miko, but not for long.

* * *

_One Year Ago_

Akihiko. It meant bright prince, and it fitted him perfectly. He was lean and strong, roughly six foot in height. He had lived in the west all his life and when he became bored with general village life he had wandered the lands, offering his skills as a talented sword smith in payment for food and shelter. It had been on one of the longer, drier highways that he had been attacked by a large snake demon. He had drawn the light katana that he kept at his waist and tried to fend off the stronger youkai but after a particularly vicious slash to the shoulder blades he could no longer defend himself. Seeing the snake raise its body to once more sink its fangs into him he had waited for the end, amazed when a pink light had suddenly filled his vision and the demon had disintegrated. Turning behind him he saw a young woman atop a nearby hill, bow still held in front of her. She looked a mess, tear marks tracked down the dust on her face, her clothes mud covered and rumpled and her skin darkened with dirt. But beneath it all she was a beauty and his heart went out to his saviour at her heartbroken look and dejected eyes. She was sorrowful, and he made a vow then that he would repay her by making her smile, no matter how long it took him.

He travelled with them once his shoulder had healed, and it only took two days to find out the full story of her pain. She was part of a small group, her companions were a demon slayer, a monk, a small neko demon and a young kitsune, though apparently there had been another.

On the day she had saved him she had been fleeing, running from her friends and family in an attempt to escape the truth that her best friend and the love of her life was dead. Though between them they had destroyed a great evil that had pillaged and murdered the land across Japan her heart was broken and there seemed no way to mend it.

At night while the monk Miroku and the slayer Sango sat by the fire, talking and eating, she sat alone, having climbed the furthest tree within the clearing and sitting in a high branch, one knee bent with an arm resting over it. She looked away from the group, eyes turned to the west and Akihiko was sure that on most nights it was possible to see her tears reflecting the moonlight around them. She never slept and she ate very little. Dark shadows sat under her eyes and her already slim form began to waste away in front of them all to show the sharp bones that lay beneath. Akihiko had never heard her speak, nor laugh and her grief spread throughout their camp like a shadow, enveloping all it could and sucking the joy from the world, though none of them could leave her.

He had gleamed from his talks with Sango and Miroku that she was the glue that had held their close knit pack together, and she was the most loved out of all of them. They could not abandon her, no matter how much misery they were in, and Akihiko found that even only knowing her silence for a few weeks he was stuck in the same position. He had made a vow to himself that he would make her smile and he could not leave her till he did, and even then he doubted he would.

The battles they got into were fierce and hard, but she showed no weakness and proved herself to be a great warrior. From the tales he had heard she had once been so carefree and child-like, innocent and filled with optimism. She was no longer the same, but he would wait till she healed.

It first started on the night of the new moon. The young priestess Kagome was once more sitting in her tree, though tonight she seemed even more mournful. It was obvious that she was exhausted, her eyelids slipping over her blue orbs as she strained to keep a sight on where the moon should be.

He watched her from his place by the fire and was already under the tree when her head dropped down and she slid from the branch. He broke her fall, the jolt when she hit his arms waking her. She looked up and blushed, the tiniest glimpse of a smile tugging at her lips as she whispered her thanks. His heart sang, her voice was soothing and gentle.

From then on she sat with them around the fire and it was like the warmth of the flames brought her back to life. She smiled regularly and laughed with the group while they walked. She slowly emerged from her shell and became the woman that he heard tales of. They travelled together as a group, and though there were villages and locals that would ask what had become of the half-demon that had saved them in a time gone by she would deal with it and the pain slowly seemed to melt away. She still sighed deeply and with one of the most sorrowful expressions would tell them that he had fallen in the final battle, but he had bravely taken the evil Naraku with him but she recovered quicker, the smile playing back onto her face only minutes after.

After Inuyasha's death Kagome had fallen to depression, but she knew it was Akihiko that had helped pull her out. As they roamed the lands helping people she felt her heart piece back together, and the stitches that pulled it into place where made by him. She couldn't help it that her eyes flitted to him when she was absent mindedly thinking about nothing in particular. She couldn't help it that when his hand brushed against hers while they walked a pale blush spread across her cheeks. She was sure that Sango and Miroku had noticed, the small glances they exchanged and secret smiles were enough to tell her as much. And so when the brushing of his hand and the innocent hand on her back while he was talking to her became more frequent she had been torn inside.

It had been only six months since her best friends and first loves death, but she already had feelings for another. But it didn't take her long to give in. Akihiko was patient and caring, but he admitted his feelings for her one night when they talked under the stars till the early hours. It had taken her a minute to push down the voice that shouted words like betrayal and shallow and shuffle even closer to him.

In the six months since then she had fallen hard for him. He was comforting and warm, protective and strong. She slept at night in his arms and during the day the five of them roamed the fields and forests of Japan, the warm glow of the shikon jewel that sat at Kagome's collar a draw to many demons, though none that ever got close to obtaining its power. She was so sure he was the one, the one that made staying in the feudal era and giving up her family back home all worth it, and then he had appeared.

* * *

_Present_

Sunlight crept its long fingers across the frozen ground, forcing itself through the canopy of trees overhead to form golden shafts of light around the sleeping forms that lay on the forest floor. Like a call from heaven one such beam lit up the ebony haired angel's face as she lay slumbering, slinking in between her dark lashes to pester at her dreams.

Chocolate eyes snapped open, focusing on the leaves above as they danced in the wind. Winter was on its way, its cool crisp scent surrounding her as the wind lifted soft locks of her hair. She shifted slightly to move off a rock that her sleeping bag had been laid out on the night before, the movement stirring the male next to her as a strong arm pulled her closer.

Kagome smiled lightly as she wriggled closer to the warm being behind her. Images flashed behind her lids as she attempted to bury her face under her pillow and catch just another couple of hours of sleep but it was not meant to be. Shippo had seen the movement and was eager for everyone to wake.

"Kagome, Kagome wake up. Please Kagome, I'm hungry!"

Chuckling quietly Akihiko sat upright, blinking in the harsh winter sun before turning to the woman at his side that covered her head further into the pillow.

"Come on my love, Shippo is hungry. Can't you see he will starve if he doesn't get breakfast soon!"

Sighing dramatically Kagome stretched slowly before pulling herself upright and greeting Shippo with a hug. She playfully scowled at the monk and slayer that sat across the remains of the fire, small smiles playing at their laps.

"Hey wait a minute! Shippo, why couldn't Sango or Miroku make you breakfast! Then I could have slept for longer."

Shippo giggled before jumping away.

"They already did! I just wanted you up."

The priestess growled before launching her pillow in the direction of the young fox, knowing even as she threw it that there was no way it would hit him. He was just so damn fast.

Akihiko had stood and brushed himself off, reaching down a hand to help Kagome up, laughing when she turned away from it and made to go back to sleep.

"There's no point now love. You're awake and won't find sleep again. Especially if I do...this!"

The squeals that echoed around the camp as he tickled her must have been heard for miles and were only stopped when between breathless hiccups and laughter Kagome managed to say she would get up right now.

It took them a long time to pack up camp, with nothing to call them away they did so lazily, talking and joking as they did, Miroku making perverted jokes whenever Akihiko leaned in to give Kagome a kiss.

It was as they saddled their bags on their backs and were spinning in circles to decide which way to go that Kagome saw him.

A crisp white figure stood in the bushes towards the west, long white hair blowing in the wind. But there was something very wrong with the image of Sesshomaru that she now saw.

His eyes were wide and disbelieving, obvious grief and anguish written deep within them as they never left her own. His shoulders were sagging, heavy under an unknown weight. His normal stoic mask had been ripped away, his lips trembling and his chest rising and falling frantically as he tried to pull air into his lungs. One hand covered where his heart would beat and if Kagome hadn't of known it was impossible she would have sworn she saw a few tears slip from his eyes and run down his porcelain white face.

When the others noticed she was no longer with them they followed her gaze, Sango and Miroku's breaths catching in their throats as Akihiko wrapped his arm tighter around Kagome's waist and pulled her closer, his other hand resting lightly on the hilt of his Katana as he stared down this unknown demon.

The males movement seemed to trigger Sesshomaru's mind as he took a stumbling step towards the group, but seeing her in the arms of another broke his heart and so with a howl of pain he span on his heel and fled as far as he could. Though he didn't get very far.

He stumbled as he ran, trees whipping past him. Tears that had never before fallen made tracks down his cheeks as another wave of pain ripped through his chest. He fell into the dirt, crawling to sit with his back against a nearby tree as his heart broke just a little more. The shattered shards swept through his blood stream, burning through his muscles as a poison overtook his body. The great taiyoukai, Sesshomaru, had fallen.

Several miles behind him he had left a trembling and shaken Kagome. Her eyes were filled with tears too and a burning sensation ripping through her chest. The others gathered around her but she did not want to speak, instead brushing away their worried touches and moving past them, silently walking down the closest road while not having the faintest idea where it would take them.

Exchanging worried glances her friends picked up their bags once more and hurried after her, desperate to know what had just happened but knowing that they would get nothing from the priestess now.

Kagome's silence continued for three days, though by night it was plain her dreams were plagued. She no longer slept in the same sleeping bag as Akihiko but took up her own near him, but never touching. He allowed her her space, though in his mind he was worried sick about what was happening to his love.

She tossed and turned in the night, often crying out in pain loud enough to wake everyone but herself. She was trapped in her nightmares and every morning she awoke with salted cheeks from where she had been sobbing in her sleep. Just breathing brought her pain, flashes of hot red hurt that coursed through her body, each time bringing with it the image of Sesshomaru, standing before her broken and fallen. She tried to shut him out but no matter how she tried she just couldn't erase his face and her heart yearned for him.

Akihiko had not left her side for a moment, but on the third night since their encounter with the demon lord the others seemed too tired to move and he picked up the bottles and headed to the nearest stream to fill them.

As soon as he was out of sight and earshot Sango was by her adopted sisters side, a worried hand on her face.

"Kagome Higurashi, if you do not tell me what is going on right now I swear I will walk out of here and find Sesshomaru himself and question him. You look awful and you haven't eaten properly in days. I'm worried sick about you, as is everyone else. Now tell me, please."

He had followed them for days, pulled along by his own heartstrings even as he knew it would only cause him further pain and heartbreak. He just couldn't leave her. And then he had heard the male that was called Akihiko announce he was going for water, alone. Now was his chance, if he got rid of the young human maybe he would still have a chance.

Akihiko screwed the cap onto the last water bottle as he stood, gathering the others before turning to leave. But his feet were rooted to the spot for there, standing in front of him was the demon from before, the one Miroku had called Sesshomaru. His face was set with grim determination though his eyes still showed their pain. The length of the sword that was pointed at his chest gleamed in the dying light. Neither said a word as the demon stared at him, it seemed as if having an internal battle with himself, the tip of his sword shaking as he tried to blink away tears before finally falling back to his leg.

The voice that came from his mouth was hoarse and breaking from exhaustion.

"I came to kill you but I can't. I can't do that to her."

He sighed, his shoulders sagging lower and turned away. Before he walked from the man he turned his head slightly and spoke again.

"Take care of her. You will never know how special she is."

Sesshomaru was almost at the edge of the clearing when Akihiko finally said something.

"Why are you doing this to her? What is she to you?"

Sesshomaru turned to look at the angered and confused face before him.

"I am doing nothing to her, that is the problem! You get to hold her when she is upset, you get to laugh with her when she is happy and I get NOTHING!"

The last word came out as a snarl of pain and anger.

"But why should you get those? She has never spoken of you, never mentioned you. In the year I have known her she has never even described you so why would you deserve those things?"

Sesshomaru's face contorted in rage and anguish and his control finally slipped completely as his voice shook with his shouting.

"BECAUSE SHE IS MINE! Body and soul that woman was made for this Sesshomaru by the gods. We are soul mates, not your pathetic human meaning of two people who fit together but real soul mates. We were made a pair and should always be a pair. With me she would be truly happy, she would never feel sadness, she would never die. We live off each other but now you are here and it can never be! She will never know her life's true potential and will forever live in a painful shadow of what she could be. A year ago I left her to deal with the death of my half-brother and in doing so I lost her forever. I left the woman I loved to give her space and then you moved in. I can never have her now."

Akihiko had dropped the water bottles during the taiyoukai's speech and his own voice cracked with greif. Could he really be holding back such a thing?

"Does she know? Does she know what you are?"

Sesshomaru was taking deep breaths and trying to banish the deep red tinges that had crept into his dull gold eyes. He shook his head.

"She does not. And this Sesshomaru would appreciate it if you did not tell her. She is a woman of deep loyalty and honour, and if she knew she would forever be tormented by the knowledge, but she would not leave you. Her own pain would be pushed aside so that she did not hurt another. I would prefer she lived oblivious and as happy as she could be than in pain and guilt."

Akihiko looked even more shocked.

"You would do that? You would have her not know and live in your own world of pain forever rather than tell her, even though if you did you may have a slim shot with her if she could no longer live with me."

Sesshomaru nodded grimly before turning and walking away, not even faltering when his sharp ears picked up on Akihiko's quiet whisper.

"You really love her that much..."

It had taken Sango and Miroku at least fifteen minutes to get Kagome to talk but when she finally did it all gushed out at once.

"It's Sesshomaru. Since I saw him, Kami I don't even know what I feel. I need him. It hurts Sango, I need him so much it hurts here."

She pressed a hand to her heart.

"I see him all the time in my mind, and every time he looks just like he did the other day and it hurts me. My heart can't take this. I love Akihiko but Sesshomaru, it's something else. It's like he's a part of me and I can't breathe without him. In my dreams I'm with him and he holds me and it's amazing but then Akihiko is there and I have to choose. I can't live without Sesshomaru but I can't live with myself if I hurt Akihiko. I don't know what is happening to me Sango. I don't know what to do."

Sango pulled her sobbing friend into her chest and gently ran her fingers through her hair, tears staining her own eyelashes at the tangible pain her friend was in.

"Maybe you should speak with Sesshomaru. If you feel this way then maybe you were meant to be with him. It will hurt Akihiko for a time but you can't live your life wondering what this is all for."

Kagome sat up, shaking her head and trying to stem her tears. Her voice was croaked when she spoke but it held an immense strength behind it.

"No, I can't do that to Akihiko. If this is nothing more than a passing crush or empathy then I would have broken his heart for nothing. I will just have to try to forget about it. For all I know it could just be because he is so like Inuyasha in his own way that it hurts so much. It is not fair on Akihiko to run after someone who is already dead. It is just like Inuyasha and Kikyo all over again. And I do love him, I do."

A thud as a water bottle hit the ground and they all span on the spot to see that Akihiko had returned and by the look on his face he heard everything. The breath caught in Kagome's throat as she saw his pain.

"Akihiko..."


	3. Honour

**A/N: Hey guys, I know this is short but it is the last piece of the trilogy. :) Hope you all enjoy it. And of course, as always I do not own any of the original characters or plots of the Inuyasha please please read and review, but most of all...ENJOY! :D  
**

**Love as always**

**Inufairiegirl**

**xxxxxxxxxx  
**

_Sango pulled her sobbing friend into her chest and gently ran her fingers through her hair, tears staining her own eyelashes at the tangible pain her friend was in._

_"Maybe you should speak with Sesshomaru. If you feel this way then maybe you were meant to be with him. It will hurt Akihiko for a time but you can't live your life wondering what this is all for."_

_Kagome sat up, shaking her head and trying to stem her tears. Her voice was croaked when she spoke but it held an immense strength behind it._

_"No, I can't do that to Akihiko. If this is nothing more than a passing crush or empathy then I would have broken his heart for nothing. I will just have to try to forget about it. For all I know it could just be because he is so like Inuyasha in his own way that it hurts so much. It is not fair on Akihiko to run after someone who is already dead. It is just like Inuyasha and Kikyo all over again. And I do love him, I do."_

_A thud as a water bottle hit the ground and they all span on the spot to see that Akihiko had returned and by the look on his face he heard everything. The breath caught in Kagome's throat as she saw his pain._

_"Akihiko..."_

_

* * *

_

"Akihiko..."

All of the groups eyes swept from Kagome to Akihiko and back, while the two stared at each other. Kagome felt her stomach churning and her chest clenching but this time she didn't think it had anything to do with seeing Sesshomaru. The pain and confusion that was swirling around openly for all to see in his eyes made her feel physically sick knowing it was she that had caused it and long to move to him but her feet wouldn't obey her thoughts. Her heart felt it would be to betray Sesshomaru, the demon who said few words to her but shown her much violence. She couldn't understand it but her mind screamed at her that love made no sense.

But where did love come into it? She didn't even know anything about the Western Lord. How could she love him? But that was what this pain felt like...love.

"Akihiko, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to hear this, I...I don't understand whats happening.

The young man seemed to set his face with determination and in a low, husky pain filled voice he asked the one question which he dreaded what the answer would be.

"Do you love him?"

Kagome's eyes filled with tear. She couldn't lie to him, it wasn't possible, but she didn't want to see the anguish her answer would undoubtedly bring. So she stayed silent, merely reaching for him with her fingertips even while her feet still refused to move. He shook his head and tried another question.

"Does it hurt? To be away from him...does it hurt?"

Kagome nodded as her first tears fell.

"And do you want him to be here? To stop this pain?"

Again the dark haired head bobbed.

"And do you love me?"

The nodding was more feverish this time.

"But you love him too?"

A long silence followed, all eyes were on Kagome before she slowly and gently nodded once more.

Akihiko let out the breath he had been holding.

"Then it is time for me to leave."

He set the last of the water bottles on the floor and began to collect his things from the camp site.

A sob echoed through the clearing as Kagome finally moved, her hands grasping at his sleeves, begging him to stay with them.

"Akihiko please, don't leave. I don't know what this is but I love you. I want you."

He shook his head and locked eyes with her.

"No, your honour and integrity wants me, but your heart wants him."

One look at her face told him he was right. And there was no escaping the truth now.

"I found him. I spoke to him. He told me everything Kagome. He told me the two of you were soul mates, made by the Kami to be together and it would only pain both of you to be apart from each other."

He gently took her face in his hands, her own much smaller ones coming up to cover his larger ones.

"How could I ever stand in the way of that? I know you would never leave me for another, he knows it too. He didn't even want me to tell you this to spare you the pain, but I could never let you live with me when I know you could be happier."

He slowly pressed a light kiss to her lips before leaning his forehead on hers and exhaling. She drew a deep shuddering breath and let more tears slip down her cheeks. He barely heard her whisper as he wiped them away.

"I'm sorry."

Smiling sadly he leaned back.

"Don't be. It's my choice to tell you. And who knows...maybe I'll find my own soul mate one day."

A shaky chuckle escaped as Kagome watched him gather the last of his stuff and move back for one last embrace. Raising his hand in farewell to the others of their group he whispered for only her to hear,

"Goodbye priestess. Live well and happily, I know he will care for you."

With that he began the walk from the camp yet just before he left from sight he pointed towards the direction he had come from after gathering the water.

"By the way, he's down there. If I were you I'd go find him quickly before he does something stupid. And Kagome, if he turns out to be wrong and it doesn't work out...I'll always wait for you. Until I find my own soul mate of course."

And with a wink he left. Kagome remained staring at where he had last been seen for mintues, until eventually Sango pulled her around by her shoulders.

"Kagome he's gone and now you have to decide. If you truly want Sesshomaru you need to go find him soon before he gets too far for you to find him. If you don't want to try it with him then you have to go after Akihiko right _now_ and tell him. But you have to decide!"

Kagome looked between her two paths. One lead to the certainty of being loved and looked after by a good man, the other one into the unknown.

Breathing deeply she took a shaky step forward, instantly making up her mind. It was always safer to be sure of what you had.

She ran through the tree's shouting his name as loudly as she could. She just hoped that he hadn't got too far already to hear her. She burst through a line of trees to see him waiting in front of her at the other side of the small clearing, confusion clearly etched across his face.

"Miko?"

"Sesshomaru!"

True, it was always safer to be sure of what you had, but Kagome had never lived safely.

"Miko, why are you here?"

"He told me Sesshomaru, he told me all of it."

Sesshomaru let out a vicious snarl but she didn't flinch.

"Stupid human. This Sesshomaru should have known he could not be trusted. And now you have come to see for yourself the great Western Lord's pain over a mere ningens, a miko no less!"

Kagome shook her head and walked forward, stopping only a foot away, raising a hand to lie over his clenched fist.

"He left Sesshomaru. He said he couldn't stand in the way of us and so he left."

Sesshomaru was holding her in less than a second, his mouth on her neck, her jaw line, her lips. Her hands moved to encircle his shoulders as his hands gripped her tightly to him. He hungrily ravished her with desperate kissed that left her breathless. She had never felt such fire before. She had kissed Akihiko many times, and Inuyasha a couple of times before that and it had been good, but nothing like this. It set her heart on fire. It was like comparing her old rusting push bike to a sleek shiny Ducati super sport!

Breaking away Sesshomaru let out the breath that he had been holding ever since the day he had left her in the dirt after his brothers fall.

"The human had more honour than this Sesshomaru gave him credit for."

Kagome laughed sadly, the weight of Akihiko's pain still pulling at her heart, but she couldn't deny that her own pain had lifted and she had been shown true happiness in the last few minutes.

"This Sesshomaru apologises. I should not have left you that day, but I thought you needed time. Now I see you needed comfort. If I had of been more thoughtful this would never have happened to you."

She shook her head and just reached up to give him another kiss. No matter what had happened before, she just couldn't find it in her heart to be upset about anything right now.

She had him.


End file.
